Emotionally mature.

Llega un punto de tu vida en la que te sientes orgullosa de hacer cosas maduras.  I want to be, act, think and feel like a mature person. For some reason, I feel the need of being mature. Is it because I'm about to reach my 30's?  Is it because I'm looking older and it just make sense for me to act like a grown up?

Whatever the reason is, there's a certain pride that I feel when I do mature things.  One of those things is talking about my feeling, putting them out there.  Before, I was absolutely unable to express my feelings, God forbid to talk about them with a potential partner.  

Last weekend I did it. I told a guy that I like how I felt about him.   I asked him to have a relationship with me, porque lo quiero, not only as a friend, but as a man.  I told him that I love to spend time with him, and that I was not expecting him to feel the same.  I knew I had stronger feelings for him than he does for me. 

I put myself in an incredible vulnerable position.  Yeah, it was draining. Yeah, I felt like a stupid ass, but at the same time I felt so emotionally mature. He never gave me an answer, so I had to make another decision and told him to remind just friends.

I should feel like shit because I put myself out there and I was rejected.  Surprisingly, I don't feel that bad, and I actually feel proud of myself.  Proud of the fact that I did everything on my end to make it happens. It is not that hard to talk about your feelings.  It is not that hard to express your feelings. 

There's nothing wrong with showing your human side. We feel, and that is beautiful.  I even want to put myself in positions like that as much as I can now.  It is so relieving. I want everybody to know how I feel.  I don't want to hold it inside of me.  I don't want to think about the "what if I would've said this or that", I want to actually say it.  

Of course there is going to be consequences.  And that’s OK. I will face them with pride, with the thinking that I did everything I could.

Let’s not be ashamed of our feelings.  I would be more ashamed if I wouldn't have any. 

How are you feeling today?