Llega
un punto de tu vida en la que te sientes orgullosa de hacer cosas maduras.
I want to be, act, think
and feel like a mature person. For some reason, I feel the need of being
mature. Is it because I'm about to reach my 30's? Is it because I'm
looking older and it just make sense for me to act like a grown up?
Whatever the reason is,
there's a certain pride that I feel when I do mature things. One of those
things is talking about my feeling, putting them out there. Before, I was
absolutely unable to express my feelings, God forbid to talk about them with a
potential partner.
Last weekend I did
it. I told a guy that I like how I felt about him. I asked him to have a
relationship with me, porque lo quiero, not only as a friend, but as a man.
I told him that I love to spend time with him, and that I was not
expecting him to feel the same. I knew I had stronger feelings for him
than he does for me.
I put myself in an
incredible vulnerable position. Yeah, it was draining. Yeah, I felt like
a stupid ass, but at the same time I felt so emotionally mature. He never gave
me an answer, so I had to make another decision and told him to remind just
friends.
I should feel like shit
because I put myself out there and I was rejected. Surprisingly, I don't
feel that bad, and I actually feel proud of myself. Proud of the fact
that I did everything on my end to make it happens. It is not that hard to talk
about your feelings. It is not that hard to express your feelings.
There's nothing wrong
with showing your human side. We feel, and that is beautiful. I even want
to put myself in positions like that as much as I can now. It is so
relieving. I want everybody to know how I feel. I don't want to hold it
inside of me. I don't want to think about the "what if I would've
said this or that", I want to actually say it.
Of course there is going
to be consequences. And that’s OK. I will face them with pride, with the
thinking that I did everything I could.
Let’s not be ashamed of
our feelings. I would be more ashamed if I wouldn't have any.
How are you feeling
today?
